While there is often online demand for individual TRMS clips, tonight's fake presidential address drew a lot of requests for the transcript. So below is a rushed, possibly-not-quite-exactly-every-single-word-in-the-right-order transcript of tonight's speech that is at least close enough for reference purposes.
View the video of the segment here.
Good evening.
I'm here to announce three major developments in the response to the BP Oil Disaster that continues, right now, to ravage the beloved Gulf Coast of the United States of America.
I wish I could tell you that the first development is that BP has capped the well, stopped the leak. They haven't. They can't. They don't know how. And no one else does either. Their best hope is a relief well, which poses its own risks and challenges, and which even in a best case scenario, affords no relief until August.
All the might of this, the mightiest nation on earth, and the combined expertise of the richest, most technologically ambitious corporations the world has ever seen, cannot, it turns out, cap an oil well when it breaks five thousand feet-deep in the ocean. It is something that mankind does not yet have the technological capability to fix.
And that brings us to the first development in this disaster that I am announcing tonight: Never again, will any company, anyone, be allowed to drill in a location where they are incapable of dealing with the potential consequences of that drilling.
When the benefits of drilling accrue to a private company, but the risks of that drilling accrue to we the American people, whose waters and shoreline are savaged when things go wrong, I as Fake President stand on the side of the American people, and say to the industry: From this day forward, if you cannot handle the risk, you no longer will take chances with our fate, to reap your rewards.
Our nation's regulatory oversight of the oil industry has been a joke in many ways, for decades -- from the revolving door of industry apparatchiks taking supposed "oversight" jobs in government, in which they just rubberstamped the desires of the industry to which they were loyal -- to energy industry lobbyists, themselves being allowed, in secret meetings, to write our nation's energy policies.
In light of the state of the Gulf right now, my fellow Americans, the details of how industry has infiltrated and infected the government that was supposed to be a watchdog protecting the American public from them -- those details are enough to turn your stomach. But no detail tells you more about the corroding power of the industry against the interests of the American people than the simple fact that they have been allowed to drill in American waters, without being forced to first prove that drilling is safe.
That will never happen again, as long as I am Fake President.
When I announced in March, that my administration's energy policy would include expanded offshore drilling, that policy change was premised on our acceptance of the oil industry's assurances that they knew how to do such drilling safely. They were lying. It cannot be done safely -- not when no technology exists to cap a blowout on the sea floor.
Offshore drilling will not be expanded in American waters, the moratorium will be held firm and in place, unless and until the industry conclusively demonstrates major advances in safety. Oil industry jobs are important, and I will work with industry to mitigate the impact on American families who survive on oil company paychecks -- but in the 21st century, and in the name of the 11 workers who were killed when the Deepwater Horizon rig blew out, we will not play Russian Roulette with workers' lives, and we will not play Russian Roulette with irreversible, national, environmental disaster for the sake of short-term income.
The second major development I'm announcing tonight, my fellow Americans, concerns another oil industry assurance that we can no longer believe. The industry, has long assured us that they were capable of handling spilled oil. In BP's own disaster response plan for the Gulf of Mexico, they claimed they were perfectly capable of containing, and cleaning-up, up to 250,000 barrels of oil a day. That no significant amount of an oil spill of even that size would get to shore, foul beaches, kill wildlife, or destroy wetlands. They were lying.
And the industry is lying when it says it takes seriously its responsibilities to contain and clean-up disasters they cause. The same low-tech, inffective equipment and techniques are being used to respond to this oil disaster today, as were used in the 1960s and '70s to respond to spills back then. That's because the industry hasn't invested in any new containment and cleanup technology in all of these decades. Because they haven't cared too much about it, as an issue.
And it shows. It shows both in the inept technology that we have to deploy, to contain and clean-up a spill like this, and in the lackadaisical, uncoordinated, unprofessional way this inept technology has been deployed by BP.
Beaches have been fouled and wetlands destroyed and wildlife killed that should have been saved. Pensacola Bay in Florida, if properly boomed, should never have been breached by oil. Perdido Pass at Orange Beach, Alabama, should never have been breached by oil. Queen Bess Island, the pelican nesting ground in Barataria Bay in Louisiana, Barataria Bay itself, none of these areas should have been breached by oil -- even given the sad state of existing technology to stop it -- but the fact that those areas were breached is BP's human error.
And tonight, as Fake President, I'm announcing a new federal command specifically for containment and cleanup of oil that has already entered the Gulf of Mexico, with a priority on protecting shoreline that can still be saved; shoreline that is vulnerable to oil that has not yet been hit. I have asked the Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton, to assist me in the diplomatic side of this -- in soliciting, greenlighting and expediting all international offers of help from experts in booming and skimming from all over the world. We will bring in the best experts and the best equipment from anywhere on Earth, to dramatically increase our efforts to get the oil out of the water, and off of the coast.
Oil industry workers are often trained in booming and skimming. I am hereby directing BP to fund booming-and-skimming crash academies for all available oil industry personnel, anywhere in the world, to radically overhaul what has been a haphazard, half-hearted, totally unacceptable protection effort. Starting immediately. No expense will be spared and no excuses will be brooked. Even if the oil leak is capped today, the oil in the water will continue to surge toward shore for weeks if not months. As Fake President, I will personally issue a public update on cleanup and containment efforts every single day until this disaster is under control.
And finally, the third development I have to announce to you tonight in the response to this oil disaster is about how we got here, and how that will change. Every president in the modern era has complained that America must get off oil. Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush -- and now I, Fake President Obama -- have all intoned, solemnly, that we must get off oil.
Now that we have, at the hands of the oil industry, experienced the worst environmental disaster in American history, the time for talk is over. The world is different now. Our country is different now. The scales have fallen from our eyes. People say we're not ready? They're right. We're not ready. We also weren't ready to fight in World War 2 before Pearl Harbor, but events forced that upon us, and events have forced this fight upon us now. I no longer say that we must get off oil like every president before me has said too. I no longer say that we must get off oil. We will get off oil and here's how:
The United States Senate will pass an energy bill. This year. The Senate version of the bill will not expand offshore drilling. The earlier targets in that bill for energy efficiency and for renewable energy-sources will be doubled or tripled.
If Senators use the filibuster to stop the bill, we will pass it by reconciliation, which still ensures a majority vote. If there are elements of the bill that cannot procedurally be passed by reconciliation, if those elements can be instituted by executive order, I will institute them by executive order.
The political cowardice that has kept politicians from doing right by this country, finally, on energy, and standing up to the oil industry -- that cowardice has been drowned; drowned in oil on Queen Bess Island. There is a new reality in this country that has been forced on us by this disaster.
As Fake President, I pledge to you that the land and sea and livelihood and lives of the American people will be put first. As we do everything that is humanly possible to stop this disaster. We will never again let the oil industry put America at this kind of risk. We will save what can still be saved that is directly at risk from the oil in the Gulf. And we will free ourselves, as a nation, once and for all, from the grip of this industry that's lied to us as much as it has exploited us, as much as it has befouled us with its toxic effluent.
The oil age, America, is over. If you are with me, let your Senator know it.
I'll next speak to you about the BP oil disaster tomorrow, with my first public update on the cleanup effort in the Gulf.
God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.
Oh, and also -- I've decided I'm not a White Sox fan anymore. I'm a Red Sox fan. And I'm closing Guantanamo. KTHXBAI
Leave a Comment:
Man, this' be'd nice. He'd be thrown out of office in 2012 and the Democrats would lose both houses if he did, but damn this would feel good to hear this.
Even if that worse case scenario did happen, his speaking to the heart of the matter like this would completely redefine everything. The entire framework of the discussion would be changed. That's what Faux News and the like are afraid will happen, by the way.
Too bad Obama has so disappointed us.
beauteous. "God bless you, and God bless the United States of America." Now, was that so difficult?
I'm a 61 yr old, retired Air Force Colonel and I couldn't agree more with the details of your rewrite of the President's speech. I was very disappointed with Obama's tepid approach even though I personally think he's the most intelligent, overburdened, and well-balanced Chief Executive of modern times. However, I do empathize with the other AF vet who rightfully points out the tremendous constraints and burdens our President is under and hence why he can't be as forceful or direct as your fake president. I do hope someone of influence in the White House watches your show and regularly passes on your insights and humor to the President. Let's hope he uses some of it in the near future.
Honestly, after listening to Rachel Maddow on Air America, watching her since she has had her own TV program, and listening to her "fake" Presidential address, I actually wish that she would run and be the first woman President. Even though I supported him, Obama does not have any real backbone. A real leader could have used this disaster as a real opportunity to wake the populace up from the bully pulpit and take them away from the overwhelmingly conservative media. I agree with Rachel that the President should have announced that he would be regularly reporting (weekly, not daily) on the state of the efforts to deal with BP, the containment and the clean up but more importantly, the turn away from fossil fuels to a new era of clean energy development. Who knows how much longer the progressive voice will be heard since the Supreme Court's decision in Citizen's United. We have to act fast in educating the public about what is really going on in the conservative movement to sneak their way into power. Their latest tactics to convince their candidates to only allow interviews with the far right media, to deny connection with the tea party and their courtship of the fringe of society that wants to overthrow our government is very dangerous. God forbid if our country was in the financial woes that Weimar Germany was in when Hitler rose to power. The ugly face of the far right facists are out there and growing along with the number of hate groups proliferating throughout the country. I truly believe that most people do not have any idea of what is really going on and are herded like sheep to support the latest media made celebrity. Just look at how someone with the low intelligence of Sarah Palin has become such a "hot item" in this country. Her popularity should be nothing but a joke but unfortunately it has become reality. It reminds me of the bit that Jay Leno does when he asks people the most basic questions about life and politics and how ignorant they really are. We have to deal with the majority of people that have little insight or willingness to concentrate on issues for more than a sound bite and just to watch the dumbest shows on TV. They must be exposed to how progressive politics is really in their own self interest. The super rich have been smart in manipulating the masses to vote against themselves. Why is it so hard for us as progressives to teach these people how they are being hoodwinked by the right? Sorry for my rambling, but since Rachel is not President, I am glad that she is where she is and hope that her message continues to get across to as many as it can reach.
Notice that Sarah Palin, shallow and as ill-informed as she is, still shows more courage than Obama in returning again and again to the fray. Even with the "burden of governing" upon his shoulders, President Obama continues to prove spineless and weak.
He proves willing to compromise away not just peripheral matters but core values.
We saw that with respect to Guantanamo and torture. We saw that with respect to Health Care and its so-called reform, and we see it now, with respect to the energy bill and offshore oil drilling.
Will this man stand courageously up for nothing?
Rachel for Canadian Prime Minister.
Thanks Rachel for 10-minutes of feel-good about the news tonight. Your "fake" presidential speech hit all the notes we weary Americans want to hear. I hope that Obama feels and knows all that you have vocalized tonight and longs to say it himself-but cannot I imagine, not yet anyway. I agree so much with you that this country has met many challenges that came upon us when we were initially so completely unprepared and behind the ball on- Pearl Harbor, Sputnik, 9/11 (kinda) and now this. I believe we can get off most oil dependency if only we accept the truth - but first it must be told to us.
I wonder if he is the one we have been waiting for..how long must we wait.
I doubt very much he (President Obama) longs to say anything like this.
That was the most magnificent thing, ever, on Television. I'm not kidding about that, at all. So now I'm just trying to figure out if it was the most maginificent thing, ever, anywhere. It might be.
Why can't our government be half as good as this lady on television? Half as good! That's all I want! I want them to be half as good as Rachel Maddow!
Okay that was over the top.
It was as good as some calamari I once had in San Francisco.
Which is still pretty darned good.
Hey Rachel,
That feeling of having the perfect remark after walking away from an argument you had? The French actually have a phrase for that. It's called Esprit d'escalier. The spirit of the stairs. The wit that comes to you as you are walking down the stairs away from the argument.
I just think that's awesome, and thought you might dig it.
Great rewrite, by the way. I really was looking forward to your take on the speech, and...well...yeah. Spot on as usual.
Wow! that's telling it like it is. I like it. I am asking a favor here though, and that is if you & Hillary Clinton work together , can you get BP to stop with the dispersants already? I don't get it at all , especially spraying right into the gusher. I agree the Presidents speech was lacking much, and the recovery non- effort has me kinda pissed-off- no really pissed off. I don't think I could have done mock-president without throwing in a few choice words - yours was really good, I think we all needed something to lighten up with, someone to say what everyone is wishing for ; this disaster is just way too depressing. Thank you
Rachel, your speech was filled with whole truths, in my opinion. Thank you! Oh, that Obama had the wherewithall to say what YOU said. And I sure hope this isn't a "defining moment" speech. At the same time, how does one talk to addicts in the midst of their addiction to oil/power/money? Maybe the progressive people in this country need to go to ala-non to see how NOT to enable the addicts of Wall Street, the Oil Barons, etc. In dedication to your voicings (and how I wish I lived in a country where Rachel Maddow was president), I offer you our 3' video response to the oil spill. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X16h2cywhZI Susan
Obama is not dictator of the United States. Just because he says something in a formal address to the nation doesn't make it so.
And unfortunately it is politically impossible to stop offshore drilling. There are not 60 votes available, and after the 2010 election when Republicans gain even more members in the Senate there will be even less votes available.
This is because huge swathes of the country are completely and hopelessly ignorant. a recent poll finds 77% of Louisiana residents support more offshore oil drilling. 77 freakin percent. What does Maddow expect Obama to say to change that idiocy?
I would love to live in Maddow's fantasy land, but it is just that: a fantasy land.
Over the long haul, though, even a casual reading of history suggests that to take principled stands and stick to them, even in short-term defeat, proves to change the world in the good and lasting ways. We need the man to boldly and courageously lead. We need him to face down the Faux News idiocracy, not run away from it in fear, or because he and his people want a second (ineffectual) term.
I'd MUCH RATHER a one-term, principled Obama of courage (and defeat) than the present cautious (cowardly!) Obama of "victorious" core-issue compromise--who may only last one term, anyway.
I say this as a (former) ardent supporter.
Could you please provide me with a historical example...
I don't know what the political fallout would be if the real President gave a speech like this, but man, was this satisfying to hear. It was, dare I say it, a "tingle up the leg" moment.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just be over here daydreaming about President Maddow signing the Marriage Equality Act and declaring National Cocktail Appreciation Day. I mean Month.
No lie - I was listening to Fake President Maddow delivering the speech and, towards the end when she was getting rather "fiery," I started hearing "Battle Hymn of the Republic" in my head. It was awesome.
Rachel. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You made my day!
Dear Ms. fake president,
Kudos,kudos, kudos. You, as always, were right on point. I was also underwhelmed by our president's BP speech. I know you don't want in the political arena but I would run your campaign to become a speech writer for this administration. Don't want you off TRMS but maybe in your spare time. I know you have connections, I've seen them as your guests. Please think about it. I am alwalys anxious for my nightly fix of truth from yours and Keith Olberman's shows. Thank you so much for the great job of digging for the truth then broadcasting it to the hungry masses.
You've gone from a walk to a stride, still within your doorway of time.
Time is like a fabric of a multiverse "Down the Rabbit Hole" weave billowing in waves of frequency all around us like aero gel.
The universe contains untapped and heretofore unimagined energy sources. They are before your very eyes, yet you cannot see them. They are in your mind, yet you cannot think them. But I can! - Tio Holtzman, Collected Lectures DUNE
Exotic Energy is about LIES on the Ground.
Make the final conclusion that there IS a valid "seed" of distrust of greedy government and cannibal capititalists among the people.
Your own passion shows the same "seed" but different flow patterns and ratios bringing insight across the synapses.
The more the Hubris is exposed the incredulous it becomes to believe what is Truth from Power.
How can we speak "Truth to Power" as a people on a personal level having no directed output efficacy of that mass human energy?
HONEST Bureaucrats and HONORABLE Soldiers
Truth is often Brutal. It can shatter a world view based on lies.
But as pointed out, levies built of sand will be but crumbs for the maws of the next Suprecaines because of Gulf Water Temperature Rising.
It IS PAST TIME for a "Shortening of the Way" become "viral". WikiLeaks needs help to allow leaks in this area more than already is freely available...for those who look.
There is a certain hubris to science, a belief that the more we develop technology and the more we learn, the better our lives will be. Tlaloc, A Time for Titans DUNE
I care not for myself but for humanity as a species and leaving this planet to once more return to the stars where we once cavorted and lived.
We cannot get there on a reality based on the sands of lies to the people.
When the First Responders, Military Heroes, Honest Humans willing to speak BRUTAL TRUTH to the "seed" of our current post 911 psyche come forth...you back away.
This cannot be allowed to happen if our republic is to remain free. Even you see the hypocrisy's of Bush/Obama in policy.
Obama is Bush graduating from high school. From the Kindergarten classroom of Bush photo op to Obama behind Military in Gulf Coast Oil Disaster.
Same people, prostitutes, peddlers, pimps, props, policy, prattling, political pidgeon poop.
"Crime, once exposed, has no refuge but in audacity." Cornelius Tacitus
"The first war crime committed in any war of aggression by the aggressors is against the truth" - Michael Parenti
Political language. . . is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind: George Orwell
We create our own future by our own beliefs, which control our actions. A strong enough belief system, a sufficiently powerful conviction, can make anything happen. This is how we create our consensus reality, including our gods. - DUNE Reverend Mother Ramallo, Sayyadina of the Fremen
"Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?" - Joseph Stalin
The capacity to learn is a gift;
The ability to learn is a skill;
The willingness to learn is a choice. - Rebec of Ginaz DUNE
http://patriotsquestion911.com/
ALL ROADS LEAD BACK TO GROUND ZERO
In a technological culture, progress may be viewed as the attempt to move more quickly into the future, rushing to make known the unknown. - Mother Superior Harishka DUNE
Exotic Energy requires a shake from a Dead Dinosaur Mindset.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XDFT0Yv_hg
http://www.archive.org/details/DavidSereda-DifferentialsCropCirclesAndAnti-gravity
Bob
http://mycommonsensepolitics.net/
You should really only have one of the brownies, dude.
You should make a choice to learn what you do not know.
The Patents for this technology exists...
these are REAL BRUTAL TRUTH FLAT FACTS
Because the mangled mesh of your synapses cannot honor the militray folks who SEE behind the Government's Conspiracy...not OURs...
http://patriotsquestion911.com/
And if "they" lie about such things and magnitude...
What could "they" NOT do?
Rachael does what she can within the constraints ALL media are under about 911
I give you Carl Sagan:
One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We're no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It is simply too painful to acknowledge -- even to ourselves -- that we've been so credulous: Carl Sagan
There IS energy in modulating spinning electro-magnetic fields.
NO "NUKES" needed
Bob
Look into the patents of Boyd Bushman as pointed out in the David Sereda Video. These are REAL FLAT FACTS.
I think I stood up in my living room and applauded when I watched this today.
Obama has crushed the hopes and dreams I had for the country when I stood and applauded a few of his campaign speeches. At least then as false as it was, he gave me hope.
And now the person is giving you calm, collected leadership at a time when it is most needed.
Me? That's vastly preferred to hope. The 44th President Barack Hussein Obama is, incredibly enough, already making me feel fortunate my man Albert Gore Junior didn't make the race in '08.
Politicians all over the country must be trying to work out how to bring you on board as a speech writer.
Your fake president speech was so real, courageous & demonstrated strong character! I can’t imagine anyone but you having done this. You crush all cardboard cutout journalists with genuine creativity. Should your name ever appear on an actual ballot, you get my vote. Imagine how fantastic if spoken by the real president. It would behoove him to have you as a speech writer because clearly whoever is currently composing is so blahsome! There seems to be a continual trend to delay and/or completely veer away from the election promises. All those who placed him in office are wondering what the hell is going on. Obama voters, though still hopeful, are getting tired of the mediocrity & lack of fortitude in his decision making. We all seem to be waiting in vain for the promised actions to be fulfilled. Please continue your trend to challenge & inspire in the hopes that some of your mojo will rub off in the right places to keep our country strong, safe & alive.
I'm concerned that the American Power Act will be hefted through Congress, expanding nuclear energy, when the same crony interests that run the oil business control this too, and that they have the ability to show the same ineptitude with nukes.
Dude. Greenhouse gasses are bad. Very bad. Like it or not, that means nuclear power is good.
Just spend 110 minutes watching Amory Lovins talk about "Reinventing Fire". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vshQICKCacQ
Nukes are not necessary for us to get where we need to go.
The same types of people who say it's safe to drill for oil a mile beneath the surface of the ocean are the ones that say the "new nukes" are failsafe.
Perhaps they're failsafe for the engineers that design them, but when profit seeking corporations actually run the things that thoughtful engineers design, they don't always put all of the engineering guidelines in place...sometimes to save $$, sometimes to save time.
There are plenty of solutions that can catastrophically fail without destroying enormous chunks of the planet. We should be concentrating our time and treasures in that direction.
The "new nukes" aren't failsafe... in fact they still don't really exist! Their development has been stalled for a decade and more, now. That's on account of difficult engineering issues, not gub'ment or "the greenies."
High temperature operation and passive safety are hard nuts to crack.
And drilling a mile below the ocean can be done with a reasonable expectation of safety, it just hasn't been. As Sen. John Glenn said after the Challenger disaster regarding NASA: "Somewhere the attitude went from can do to can't fail."
Ahem. Don't make me come down there and require you to give me a job on your staff, Rachel; that's Olbermann's problem for now, best leave me to him. Lectern or no lectern.
The President is walking a very fine line, my friend... in about six directions at once, I don't think anyone's ever had to do that before. Howm'soever, I'm not asking you to lighten up or any such silliness.
Keep his feet to the fire; I mean, that speech- in a crucial moment- disappointed me too (fellow progressive I am), but as I said to Colonel Kurtz: "You think that razor's edge is a fine line? I know a snail when I see one!"
Keep pressing, but please keep fidelity... with American virtue. Thank you, RM. Drive gently.
I wish she was our real president a long time ago! If you ever decide to run for president you have my vote!
I gotta' admit I was just now thinking: aside from our current executive, of all the people I know of on the world stage... quite seriously (and I'm nothing if not a serious man; okay, nothing) Rachel Maddow is my second choice, much better than Joe Biden or even Evan Bayh, much less the House Speaker or the Secretary of State.
So, prerequisite? Two full terms for BHO. Pray for it, those of you so inclined.
Rachel, I and all my friends watched the Presidents speech on Tues evening. I also made my teenagers sit down and watch his speech. I want them to know that even though he is the leader of the free world he still has one of the toughest jobs on the planet. If not for his wisdom, courage and humility that he could not have helped our country as much as he has thus far out of the mess he inherited. I and some of my friends also saw your little parody of the Presidents speech this evening. Some were applaud at your flippant attitude about his genuine attempt to inform the American people without over whelming them.( I cant type here what some of them said. One mentioned if you had ever heard about what happened to The Dixie Chicks and President Bush) As for me, Rachel, I think you need to leave the parody to Saturday Night Live. You're sitting at the grownups table on national television and you're credibility is showing. If you and Rush and Beck want to slam Palin or Paul, I don't much care; stupid is as stupid does. But Roosevelt said it best when he said, its not the critic that counts but the man actually in the arena. I feel you were WAY OUT OF LINE. President Obama is way out of your league.
Shades of slamming G.W. Bush criticism come to mind. Since when is it not okay to criticize the sitting President? I'd say it's an integral part of a political pundit's and commentator's job.
The One In The Arena...
Please don't lump in Rachel Maddow (or KO) with Beckie or Rushbo, she does a credible, nay exemplary, job of reporting overall. She's upright, and she's intelligent. And yes, she's not always correct (Boat Jail, anyone? Sorry!) but if anyone know that it's RM herself.
Know this, Laura I voted for your comment all the same. You too, MightyMoonWorm.
Wow! If only he'd said this...
Do you have children? If so would you like them to glow at night? Do you really want BP to declare bankruptcy and go into the Nuclear business?
Why do you make this absurd connection between "glowing at night" and nuclear power?