Since our last Infoxication challenge, you'd think our headline writing mentors at Fox Nation were spending all their time hammering Thor-like on the Fast and Furious beat. Luckily, they spared a moment to concoct this gem about the First Lady. Never mind that this story actually concerns nutrition standards and battling obesity, MICHELLE OBAMA HATES CRANBERRIES!! An innocent fruit that never did anything to her! Wake up, people!
Now that our lizard brains are wide awake and screaming, let's write some headlines of our own. Here are three recent stories:
- Moon Sweeps Past Fading Mars in Monday's Night Sky
- Miami Celebrates Heat Championship With Victory Parade
- Galapagos Tortoise Lonesome George Dies
Given the Fox Nation treatment they might read:
- Pyscho Satellite's Savage Path of Destruction: First, Mars, Next, Earth
- South Florida Paralyzed as Screaming Mob Seizes Streets
- Senior's Dying Wish to SCOTUS: Strike Down Obamacare
Now it's your turn. Infoxify the above three headlines and we'll post the winners tomorrow. Enjoy!
Leave a Comment:
The Moon wins a celestial game of "Chicken" with Mars!
Throngs of rabid fan gangs swarm Miami's streets!
Last Galapagos Turtle's death caused by Obamacare red tape!
Unmanned probe initiates first strike on soverign nation of Marsistan.
People with potential ties to Black Panther Party erupt in the streets.
Obama Death Panel claims first victim.
John, #2 and #3 are brilliant. But try harder on #1 - I'm sure you can find a way to make it Obama's fault. And surely Hilary Clinton had something to do with it.
There's a town near me called Cranberry Township. Honest, that's the first thing I thought when I saw that - Michelle Obama has declared war on Westinghouse.
Obama Dictatorial Space Regulations Punish Moon Success
Obama's America: Illegals and Blacks Riot in Hip-Hop Miami
Gay Turtle Pays No Taxes, Lives Century on Government Dole
Obama Dictatorial Space Regulations Punish Moon Success
Obama's America: Illegals and Blacks Riot in Hip-Hop Miami
Gay Turtle Pays No Taxes, Lives Century on Government Dole
Obama Dictatorial Space Regulations Punish Moon Success
Obama's America: Illegals and Blacks Riot in Hip-Hop Miami
Gay Turtle Pays No Taxes, Lives Century on Government Dole
Sorry for the triple post ... the system told me twice that the comment had failed. I blame Fox News!
The Man in the Moon is Winning His Race Against The Mar'sman!
Miami Exhausted After HEAT FANS show their jubilation in the streets! (no bath salts please).
Lonesome George could-have, should-have waited to die until after the election! (damn, we lost a vote!)
Moon Rapes Mars, Aliens Furious!
Mayhem in Miami, Basketball to Blame
Michele Obama Hates Tortoises, Causes Death
Miami Residents Can Take the Heat, See Past Global Warming Hoax
Obamacare Death Panel Snuffs Lonesome George
How about:
1. Werewolves Rejoice Lunar Victory Over God of War: A Liberal Conspiracy!
2. Miami Street Meltdown from Heat Brought by Hoopsters!
3. Celebrity casualty of Obamacare Death Panel: Lonesome George.
The Moon came up; The Moon went down; You Can't Explain It!!!
"We Love The Heat!" -Thousands rally in support of Global Warming
Gay agenda destroying traditional Tortoise marriage; George dies alone.
Moon, Like an Errant Drone, Sneaks Past Mars: O'Reilly Says Tides Still Come In and Go Out
Streets Erupt in Violence Soon After Obama Forces Amnesty on Young Anchor Babies
Some Say Senior Died Because Government Health Care Doesn't Cover Illness on Foreign Soil
So you guys are on board with damaging the cranberry industry? Like when Obama did it to Las Vegas? And people wonder why business won't hire. Tsk.
Don't you remember the flap-doodle when George HW Bush asserted that he hated broccoli?
WOW, that's odd. I didn't notice the broccoli market being destroyed, did you?
Geez, I didn't know they grew cranberries in Las Vegas.
Obama Fails to Prevent Lunar-Planetary Inversion; Will it Cost Him Florida?
Obama's America: Minorities Given Parades in Public Streets
Creationists Hail End of Galapagos Era
Mars is Latest Victim of Arrogant Overreach By Moon
Galapagos Turtle Autopsy Could Lead to Evidence of Death Panel Coverup
Miami Heat Attend Pro-Rick Scott Rally
Moon cuts cheese, tells Mars to lick knife
Hooded thugs bring heat to Miami's NBA celebration
Giant turtle dies, Michelle orders soup
The winner and cleverest.
Religion is off limits with the Obama campaign, and I salute them for that. I’ll
salute them until the electoral ship has slipped entirely beneath the surface of the water as it goes down. But is it worse to discuss religion - or to hand the country over to those who would destroy our democracy and millions of lives of the poor and struggling? I’m not so sure.
Religion in this case has relevant and meaningful secular implications for the nation – discussion is not just setting religious prejudices loose and hoping for a catfight. It matters what the person with the nuclear football believes.
Romney's belief is that he will have his OWN PLANET AND BE A GOD. HIM
PERSONALLY. A GOD.
Just like radical Islamists believe they get 70 virgins. This is no joke. Look it up, it’s among the tenets of the LDS belief system.
PLANET ROMNEY = 70 Virgins It’s really all the same stuff.
How many people would vote for the 70 virgins guy? At least a few wouldn’t – even if they hate Obama. This is not much different than 70 virgins.
Couldn’t we please mention this in places, like, oh, Texas? We have to
shave off as many fundamentalist voters as they are shaving off elders and the young by suppressing voters.
Couldn’t we please mention this to secular voters in like, say, Grosse Pointe, West Palm Beach, Vail?
(Do secular Americans really WANT a person with his hand on The Nuclear Button who believes he will end up a god with his personal planet?
Would America want to live on Planet Romney? What would Planet Romney look like? We need to ask these questions.
Also, some of the support he's getting from Roman Catholics because of his stand
against reproductive rights might be re-thought a bit if it were common knowledge that the Virgin Mary (whom Catholics identify as holy and venerate for that virginity) does not qualify as such according to Romney. His faith includes the belief that God is a human male who had actual, physical sex with Mary. This might be a revelation to countless Catholics who are being directed away from
Obama. They recite the phrase “The Virgin Mary” every single Sunday
together in the creed during Mass. This is a big deal to many of them.
What Family Values?
Romney has a rep as a good family values person. WHAT KIND OF
FAMILY VALUES enrich one's own family by the destruction of other families?
One of Bain's projects made $100M - fine, profit is good. But $20M of that was from the eradication of pensions - they could have chosen to make $80M, rather than $100M, and left other families less harmed. Still a handsome profit. Romney made a choice which reveals character and personal values. This was a disqualifying choice for a potential President of the United States.
What kind of values does this man really have? Why aren’t we SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?
Values are not just sex and substances. Values are about people and their
relationship to money, and to their companions in this life. For the Christians of America – even the fundamentalist ones – you can’t get around the fact that Jesus talked more about this than anything else. It’s not arguable.
Religion can't be off limits, the ghost of Rev. Wright notwithstanding. If we don’t
shave off as many fundamentalist votes, as the young and elder votes which are
being suppressed, we will lose. The country will lose. Millions of poor will be devastated, along with the moral foundation of the country. We must do whatever we can to defeat Romney.
The alternative is terrible to contemplate.
Obamas red nazi planet obliterated by Supremes white moon.
LeBron gets a parade...BUT WHAT ABOUT THE VETS?
Death panel strikes, Centenarian left to die thirsty and alone.
Moon Chases Mars Back Across Border
Large Miami Heat Fan Flash Mob Materializes to Protest Obamacare.
Aged Galapagos Tortoise Renounces "Old Friend" Darwin Before Lonely Demise
1. Gingrich's Moon Dreams Outshine Plans For Mars Mission
2. Reverse Discrimination Rampant In Some Parts Of Miami
3. Last Remnants Of Darwin's Failed Theory Laid To Rest
Mars Disappearing in Bleak Sky; Scientists Bewildered
Miami Heat Fan: "Next Stop, White House!"
Oldest Pro-Life Supporter Dies: Veterinarian Points to Obamacare
1 - SOCIALISM IN AMERICA: Obama scares Mars further away with Marxist ideals
2 - 'Global Warming' activists take to streets
3 - Lonesome George protests against Obamacare by dying.
Subspecies of tortoise goes extinct under Obama administration -- what, or who, is next to go extinct under this administration?
Mars proved Much Smaller Than Scientists Claimed
Big Government pays 160 Police Officers to Celebrate
Mysterious Death strikes down Environmental Activist
Some Say That Hidden Bible Verses Warn Us of Confluence of Moon and Mars
Internet Journalists Tell Us Chicago Group Turns Florida Victory Party into Night of Fear
Galapagos Takes Over For Lagerfeld and George Gobel's Eyeglass Frames Kill Him