Get excited, America: CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference, hits Washington March 14-16. In addition to speeches by Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Steve King, Michele Bachmann, Jim DeMint, Phyllis Schlafly, Sarah Palin, Brent Bozell, Rick Santorum and the NRA's Wayne LaPierre, CPAC is proud to present these panels (all real, BTW):
- Should We Shoot All the Consultants Now?
- The Future of the Movement: Winning with Generation X/Y
- Stop THIS: Threats, Harrassment, Intimidation, Slander and Bullying from the Obama Administration
- How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Love Plastic Water Bottles, Fracking, Genetically Modified Food, & Big Gulp Sodas
- Is America Coming Apart?
- The Fight for Religious Libery: 40 years After Roe V. Wade
- Getting Hollywood Right
- Free at Last: When the Right to Work Came Back to the Midwest
- VIP Reagan Dinner Reception
Inspiring as these are, one hungers for even more panels, like maybe:
- Eight Hours In Line To Vote: What the Founders Intended
- How Women Hijacked the Women's Vote
- I, Gerrymanderer: A Patriot's Tale
Got more? We'd love to hear your suggestions for additional CPAC panels. Please leave your suggestions in the comments and we'll post samples of your genius tomorrow. Good luck! (H/t @ChrisBoese)
Leave a Comment:
Don't miss the Transvaginal Probe Interactive Display, complete with a contrite abortion seeker.
C = Crazy
P = Party
A = Acting
C = Crazier
Thank you Kent! I will get right to work!
Cap and Trade the Vote: How to establish a PAC that will pay operatives and legislatures for every vote that they steal from the Democrats.
Fox News will support these efforts with "Grind Down the Vote" public service advertising.
Whooo Hooo! I went CRAZY! Cuz it is my DREAM JOB to actually DO the program for the CPAC Conference.
Would you like to attend any of these panels and events?
Why There Are Never Too Many American Wars:
We should fight anywhere we can afford it.
Great Books of Conservatism... ... Bueller, Bueller?
Bringing Families Under the Rule of Law: Stop and Frisk in Every Living Room
Could a Federal Balanced Budget Amendment Save Congress from Americans (Who Want Things)?
Grassroots Astroturfing Workshop:
How We Turned an Anonymous Mailbox in Wyoming into a Front for a Front for a Front and Spammed a Nation
The Honorable Rick Perry Public Speaking Workshop:
Keeping Maple Syrup Close and Holding It Closer
Myopia and Xenophobia: How Fear of the Other Can Effective Erase the World Community from Consciousness
Breakout Session 3: When Consultants Tell You What You Don't Want to Hear: Shoot the Messenger
Breakout Session 5: The Future Of the Movement: Winning with Number Two
Back on the Road to Serfdom: Rebuilding Shantytowns So You Can Bulldoze them Later
Evictions and You: How to Turn Foreclosures into Private Pool Parties
"MOM! He Looked At Me Funny!" Threats, Harassment, Intimidation and Bullying: What It Is and How To Do It
Hillary, The Movie: How All Women Over 50 Are Ugly and Want To Bust Your Balls
Movie Screening: Gasland: Dispatches from People with REALLY Bad Gas
The Right Climate Stuff: How Alien Implants Inserted on Space Missions Brainwashed Astronauts to Promote Global Warming
CSI Washington DC: November 2012 Autopsy of Chris L. Hayes
Survivor: Conservative Journalism-- Which RINO Moderates Should Be Dumped in the Cannibals' Stewpot?
Movie Screening: Hope-y Change-y Things: What They Are, and How to Avoid Them
Still Cresting After All These Years:
John Birch Society Shows How Flouride Will Only Kill Democrats
Wayne LaPierre, NRA: How I learned to Stop Worrying & Love Automatic Weapons
The Conservative Intellectual Movement... ... Beuller, Bueller?
The Right View, and the REALLY Right View:
What To Do When You're REALLY REALLY RIght
The Conservative Career Workshop: The Gold-Bullion Road to Who You Know (in the Bunker)
Co Hosted by Jason Rapert and Bob McDonnell
Hey! I don't have the voting option. And I'm not even 102 years old! I WANT...no NEED to attend
Movie Screening: Hope-y Change-y Things: What They Are, and How to Avoid Them
Well done, Dr. Boese.
And oh, fairest Mr. Jones, will thoust find favor upon thee?
Thank you! I just want more people to come up with more panels. Maybe we can even submit them to CPAC next year!
That would be better than SXSW, wouldn't it?
Why Education Vouchers Matter: How the mainstream media is helping public schools turn our children into Atheistic, Homosexual, Islamo-Fascistic Communists
Building the wall to keep us safe: So our brothers and sisters on the far right do not fall off our flat earth.
Evolution, climate change and other socialist theories debunked.
I rest my case:
Maybe she fly in, in her helicopter and shot prey from the air.
Altering the Constitution and other Conservative Ideas
Not just Upside-Down Commas: How to Turn Unpleasant Facts into "Facts"
Cry-Blaming: How to Get Better at Playing the Victim
The Legacy of Sarah Palin: How's It Going With That Dopey-Whiny Thing?
Gratifying Our Nutty Base 101: Can’t Live With ‘Em; Can’t Live Without ‘Em
Effective Packaging: How to make ignorance, mendacity, greed, and hypocrisy APPEAR to be high moral virtues, so you can effectively sell your right-wing agenda to the gut-hooked rubes who voted for you. This isn't just putting lipstick on pigs, campers! This is false advertising at its finest!
Sign up early, limited seating for
Projection 101
Righteous Indignation
Climate Change, a primer for denial
How to Speak about Minorities Without Insulting with the Little People
Mocking Liberals with Efficiency and Humor
Learning Spanish in one Hour to Gain Voters
How to Seem Empathetic to Poor in One Easy Lesson
How to Talk Youth-Speak Effectively (without seeming old)
Including Catholics and Mormons
The 2nd Amendment and Why it Trumps all the Other Ones
Open Carry Laws and How to Influence Public Discourse
Is Big Bird Stifling Wall Street Innovation?
Job Creators: 10 Billion Dollars Away From Sleeping Under a Bridge.
Learn Spanish...or not: Ethnic realtions in the modern world and why not to have them
Anger Management: A marketing strategy
Lawyers, Guns & Money: Making it big in the MIC (military industrial complex)
Gay marriage- Don't get behind it
Public education and the three Rs- reading, 'riting and religion
How to raise your daughters to turn out like SE, Ann and Greta
Third marriage-- How to sell it to your constituents
How to blow-up the Bubble to improve the GOP, Congress and America
Witchcraft got you down? Come learn how to make it fly
Come on, Shooter. Give it your best shot.
Got to Love'm: lies, damn lies and statistics a historical perspective
Do we really need a republican party?
They do nothing but hurt America:(
i think its interesting that the gop is inviting certain people to speak at their fund raiser. sarah palin is there to kick off her run for arizona govenor. rubio is there because he's being told that he is the future of the gop. do you think he believes those lies? wow! bachman is there so the gop can show that they have at least 6 women in the party. and la pierre is there because the gun lobbies want him there. maybe he could run for prez. sorry, the others i don't care enough about to comment.
So basically this is a trade show without any of the cool gadgets...or...well anything cool actually
Transvaginalism and getting the female vote.
This has to be a record breaking gathering of the most morally corrupt, manipulating con men & women, fundamentalist loons and certifiable morons in the history of the republic
Amen 2 That!!
The Rush to Woo Rush: Getting Your Name Out There.
Climate Change: Proof it's Just your Indoor Environmental Controls.
Reince Priebus' Success Story
Do-it-yourself Conspiracies: How to Properly Make a Mountain out of a Molehill in Record time.
Senator John McCain's Sunday Talk Show Prepper.
What God and Jesus Don't Understand, but WE do.
@A Brady:
Love that one.
How the Left Steals Elections by Voting.
Stopping the Spread of Education.
Church and State: Tear Down this Wall!
"Come to Jesus" And bring your check book!
Pi equals 3- Mathematic Truths According to the Bible.
The Right to discriminate on the basis of Religion: Forty years after Roe vs. Wade.
(And by that I mean the Catholic Church discriminating against my beliefs, as a non-Catholic. Doesn't anyone remember the Reformation, and Martin Luther?)
How about:
How to Keep Beating That Dead Horse. (would cover it all, I think.)